My kids are funny.

They ask questions.

A shit ton of questions.

I love that they are so inquisitive, but there is one set of questions they ask that I rather they didn’t ask as much. They’re the stall questions before they formulate their thoughts. The “Dad, do you know what I find strange?” type of question that leads into what they really want to ask. I’m trying to get them to realize there is a better way to start a thought. Occasionally starting with a question is understandable but I want them to learn how to formulate their thought before they speak instead of using a lead in line to stall before they get to the point. When they get in front of their peers in school, or when they are working on a presentation to a future client I want them to speak intelligently with clear concise thoughts. In turn, they’ll be looked upon with greater authority and they’ll be able to command the room better.

Until then I will continue to use this opportunity to hone my improvisation skills.
Here are some of my responses to their stall questions.

Dad do you know what I find funny?
Realizing that plumbers do not grow on trees, but plums do?
Bears that juggle?
Pants with back pockets on the front?

Dad do you know what one thing I don’t understand?
Why the Germans invaded Poland?
How Wall Street trading works? Yeah I don’t understand that either.
The lyrics to songs written by James Mercer of The Shins?

Dad do you know what I find surprising?
The fact that three words that don’t rhyme happen to be colors? Silver, Purple and Orange… really what are the chances?
That all those clowns can fit in that tiny car?
That a cruise ship can float? Well that’s just basic physics…

Dad, do you know what I have been thinking?
That the movie Waterworld should never had been made?
That it’s a good thing cats don’t have opposable thumbs? Because if they did, I am pretty sure they’d rule to planet, well at least Canada.
Why Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck had to split up?

Dad, can I ask you something?
Sure, as long as it does not reference any movie involving Goldie Hawn.
Sure, as long as it has nothing to do with the rules of board game Stratego.
Depends, are you going to ask me if I can eat fire? Pretty sure I can’t do that.

Dad can I ask you a question?
Sure, ask me anything about the game of Monopoly.
Absolutely, but i’ll warn you now, I can’t speak Spanish, so if it a question about Spanish your out of luck.
Yes, but after I am done practicing my wax statue impression of Johnny Depp. (then I just stand there frozen)

The trick is trying to come up with something new and random each time. Joey and Rebekah, have caught on and now rarely start thoughts with stall questions. Aaron on the other hand gives me plenty of opportunities. When he finally catches on it will be mission accomplished.

On a side note Aaron turns 10 on July 19th. Happy Birthday Little Buddy. Do you know what I have been thinking? (No, it’s not about the bulk cost of upscale French textiles) That it’s hard to believe that my Little Buddy, is not so little anymore.