After a discussion with Aaron, my youngest son, about roller coasters he said a peculiar thing… he said “Dad, you are not afraid of anything.” (I wish that were true.) He then continued to say, “You’re not afraid of spiders, bugs, heights… because you go on the roof and ride the really big roller coasters. You go in the basement alone and are not afraid of the dark. So what are you afraid of?”

“Dogs.” I told him. “I’m afraid of Dogs. To many times getting chased by them on my bike while trying to deliver newspapers as a kid I guess.” But really, this was a quick answer to not have to really answer. Yes, I am afraid of barking dogs but the truth is I am afraid of lots, and I have two biggies.

One: I am afraid of growing old.
Two: I am afraid of dying young.

Sounds contradictory? Anxiety filled? Maybe. Let me try to explain. First, I am afraid of growing old. Let me first start out by saying growing old is a blessing. I look forward to seeing my grandchildren get married have their own families some day. The trade off is that life becomes different. With age comes wear and tear on the body. I see many around me who seem to even struggle with walking, shells of their former selves. Succommed to the realization that life has passed them by. That marketing no longer targets them. Music is no longer made for them, and memories are slowly slipping away. Having to bury family, friends and even children that move on to another life has to be gut wrenching, and I am haunted by even having this thought.

I also fear not getting the opportunity to grow old. I see so many leave this earth too soon, and in the prime of their lives with so much more to give. Some with no warning… Just, poof… and your no longer here. I read a quote long ago that stated: Growing old is a privilege denied to many. This really stuck with me. I fear there would be so much I haven’t seen or tried, so much music I never got to listen to, and robbed of memories I would never have a chance to acquire with my family and friends that would be forced to carry on. I know from experience this is gut wrenching, and I am haunted by even having this thought.

The reality is I should not fear either: Why ruin the present thinking about the distant future, or potential lack thereof? There’s no guarantee either way. When I stop and think about it is contradictory and anxiety filled. It’s rather crazy, and I should take my own advice and try to conquer the fears. I need to move on from them and just live life knowing everyday matters and then be at peace with whatever happens.

This is a lot to lay on a 9 year old so I just say,
“Hmmm, what to I fear? Dogs Aaron. I fear dogs.”