The Haircut
So I have issues. I know it, but the difference is I now no longer feel the need to mask them up in some cloud of normalcy. One of these issues is with guys who cut hair. It’s not right. Stereotypical? Sure. It just creeps me out, not in a homophobic way, it’s just not at all what I’m used to. Obviously guys have the right to cut hair as their profession. In fact, the best line the runways of some of largest fashion shows and back lots of major motion picture production sets and i certainly like watching them work on shows like Project Runway. I am sue this post will anger some folks, and that is not my intent.
I have had my hair cut by guys before, and the haircuts have been… meh. The best so far was from Scott at rSalon. However it was for my wig, from my role as Joseph in Joseph and the Amazing Techincolor Dreamcoat. He was really good. But that was a wig he cut and not my real hair. I would be lying if I told you that all the cuts by gals were perfect… they haven’t. Frankly, the whole notion of getting your haircut creeps me out. Unknown people touching your hair. Insisting on making simple conversation based around the weather, and the differences between the cities… hair clippings on the floor pushed around by an old push broom. There’s always soft rock music on the speaks and if your lucky you’re blessed with the guy in the waiting section that needs to turn to around down the volume on his smartphone while he plays his time wasting game. Seriously can’t deal with that guy right now. I am currently writing this post while waiting to get my haircut. Have not had one in two months. It’s way overdue. But I can see that the rotation of people in line and who’s almost done cutting hair that I am lined up to have the guy. I want to leave, but the dilemma. I need a haircut. What to do? Just then Julie and the kids come walking in the salon ready to go to lunch. What timing. Aaron needs a haircut to start school. Within seconds my name is called and boom, Aaron gets the fast pass to the top of the line. My hair cut will gladly wait a few more days. Aaron looks adorable and ready for school. I need to just make a standing appointment with someone at rSalon and lose the anxiety all together.
I told you. I have issues.
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Uuuhhh… Joe. You have just one “issue”, really. You go to a fucking SALON. Of course dudes who cut your hair at a SALON are going to creep you out. You already eluded to the stereotype so lets explore that for a moment. The guys cutting hair at salons are most likely gay. No big deal. But YOU are freaking THEM out and creating a weird vibe. They are confused why a straight guy with kids and a wife (in tow) gets his hair cut in a SALON. They don’t know what to make of you. “Is this guy a closet fag?” “He’s in musicals and stuff. An artist. What’s with this guy?” They have no idea what to say to you. They desperately want to be super flamboyant about all your endeavors but are afraid to because you’re exuding the same weirded out vibe.
Here’s the thing. And you may not like it because your wife can’t go. But here it is: You need to go to a BARBER. That’s man sanctuary. There are great ones. They are cheaper. Only dudes are cutting hair. They ask about your car, how much that exhaust you told “Jimmy” about last haircut ended up costing you. They remember you and your stories. They are professional acquaintances. It’s comfortable once you go to the same place four or five times. They know your name when you walk in. They ask about your kids, their sports, what you’re going to do if you catch your daughter with some douchebag. Dude stuff! Some really, really old school barbers, with REALLY old dudes cutting hair even have ancient Penthouse and Playboy in the magazine rack. Oh yeah! There is always stuff to read at Barbers. Today’s newspaper, This month’s “Car & Driver”, Some crap about power tools magazine. DUDE THINGS. When you go to get your hair cut, it’s DUDE time. You casually socialize with the other DUDES: The barbers you get to know and the other customers you have never even seen before. Everyone is friendly and has a bond. You all understand this is a man territory. And it’s a break from any kind of woman influenced crap.
And! When your son(s) are ready to go, it’s EXCITING! It’s like a step toward manhood. Even if they do have to put a board on the chair for him to be at eye level for cutting.
I’m telling you. Ditch the salon crap. Find a good BARBER. There are some good ones. I have been going to one for a decade on Winton where Main St ends. Louie or John cut my hair and it’s FUN. And I swear to you, once you find one you like, you’ll never leave. You’ll be in a situation where you have to get your hair cut by someone else and you feel like you’re cheating on your barber. I swear. You get that close. And it’s awesome dudeness.
That is by far one of the funniest responses to a blog ever. Mostly offensive, slightly dissing, sarcastic and had me laughing the whole read. In other words “Pure Spaker”